Love: understanding, laughter, smiling with your heart and trust

February 01, 2014

love, understandingFebruary’s Theme is Love vs Fear

“To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another and one important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.”  I have picked this quote today because in my experience with clients and friends, there has been a big question mark about just what is love.  You can get so many varying opinions.  I have spoken to many different people about this topic and there is a lot of confusion about it.  So I thought this quote could narrow the aspects a bit.  You can love someone but what does it feel like to be in love with that person? I have spoken with a person from a much older generation that explained love just IS.  It isn’t anything you have to learn or create, it just is.  I thought that was interesting because it is true in a way.  Love just is.  It is a feeling or emotion and we do experience it.  When we share our lives with someone in whom we have lots in common, we can experience it even more.  As humans we are drawn to those feelings and so we search for them in people we meet.  Having excessive amounts of good feelings when we are around a person we like sets a course for attraction, admiration, understanding, and this helps us define love.

Imagine a great timeline.  On one side, there are excessive amounts of bad feelings.  Negativity about what choices a person makes or how they behave, that can make us feel badly. On the other side is excessive amounts of good feelings. Positivity reigns on this end and that is when we are experiencing extremely good feelings.  So now that you have that image,  let’s look at love from the timeline perspective.  Loving someone or something means a lot of excessively good feelings.  But sometimes we have neutral feelings or even negative feelings about a person and that is when we need to step back and reevaluate our relationship.  Looking at love like it’s the extreme of good feelings will help you.  Say you have someone in your life that makes you feel good.  Basically, when you are around that person, you cannot help but feel good and it brings about a lot of good things inside you.  You have lots of common ground with this person, lots of good conversations, you relate to one another well.  These are all positive.  This will bring about good feelings, more so than a person you’ve only met five minutes ago, or maybe you only get to do one thing with that person.  Some of you may be nodding your heads.  Some of you may be disagreeing with me because  there is this understanding amongst individuals that opposites attract.  I am not trying to disagree.  I have seen relationships where this is effective.  There is an interest there, an intrigue that draws you in.  What happens in those relationships is that the people are good communicators, they have a good understanding of the uniqueness that each of them bring to the relationship.  They respect their differences, which is perfectly great.

Going back to the quote: To love someone is to understand…We know that love is a great amount of feelings for someone, a warm affection, a great liking in a positive way.  Look at the word understand-to get the meaning of, to know thoroughly.  So to love each other, there must be understanding.  Can you understand someon in one day? A week? Two weeks? Probably not.  And again people may disagree here.  They may have fallen in love at first sight.  I am not going to argue.  I am simply trying to help you to realize that understanding someone is “getting” them. Each of us is unique, not only based on genetics, but also based on every single second of our lives; how we perceive situations or how we react to whatever life throws our way each day.  What we come to believe in about ourselves and what we value, enjoy doing, it’s going to be different because we are all individuals. What it means to understand is that you get that person. You know what he or she is about and understand future accomplishments or how he or she views the world.  That takes time.  I am pretty sure that cannot happen in a day or two. What do you think of when you hear the phrase: “I understand what you’re saying?” Usually someone explains something in great detail and the lightbulb moment where it clicks and you can finally say “I understand,” that requires time for the explanation.  It is the same in relationships.  You have to witness their actions following their words. Understand also means having a reason to believe.  As you can guess, that requires time to see their ups and downs; you have to get to know them and their preferences.  You can end up acquiring a reason to believe in what they are saying or doing.  This happens over a period of time.  This understanding has to be reciprocated.  It has to come from both sides of the relatoipnship.  Having a deep understanding is loving someone because you’ve gotten the chance to know him or her.

Let’s look at the phrase “laughing together.”  Imagine that timeline again.  I would say if your “love” feelings were more neutral then you wouldn’t laugh as much.  If you had trouble agreeing with a person’s behavoirs or actions then you wouldn’t ejoy laughing at life moments.  This goes back to that common ground and compatability.  You have to have similar senses of humor.  Some people take life with a grain of salt.  Those people realize life can be serious but they have a more light-hearted approach.  They can laugh at themselves.  To me, that is a really great quality but again, I have met people who would find it offensive.  If you don’t take life serious enough and everyhting is funny to you than you won’t get anywhere.  We have all probably heard that from someone in our lives along the way.  But laughing with someone is a very important ingredient in love.

What about the phrase “smiling with your heart?” I bet you’re wondering what that means. Did you ever get that warm-fuzzy feeling in your heart, in the middle of your chest when someone that you care deeply for is making you feel good?  If it was scientifically possible for your heart to smile, it would.  It is a warm-fuzzy feeling that goes much deeper than the smile on your face and you can feel it emanating into your heart, into the middle of your chest.  Again, you wouldn’t feel this with someone you are around in whose behaviors you didn’t approve.  Smiling with your heart is an excessive amount of good feelings.  You may get it when you see a compassionate act but smiling with your heart is when you share understanding, laughter, and good feelings in the presence of someone that you care for.

Without trust, there is no smiling in your heartTrust is a big word.  If you cannot trust what a person is doing then you don’t understand something about him or her.  If you cannot relate to each other, then trust will not occur.  Trust is a firm belief in one another’s character, their strength or the truth of someone.  It is an unfaltering belief, a competent hope.  You are willing to let this person be responsible for your safety and well-being.  When you let your guard down and allow yourself to fall in love with someone, you are trusting that you will not get hurt.  It is handing someone your heart and trusting him or her with the responsibility.

We can believe the words of the quote that say “To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another and one important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.” We can rely on the fact that if we truly love someone, these things come without fail.  They are crutial steps in a relationship.  These words bring about deeper meaning. Sometimes the biggest step is admitting that this person is not right for you, and letting him or her go.  But don’t lose hope because the right person is out there for you.  Equally there is a right person for the one you let go. Make the choice to love with understanding, laughter, smiling with your heart and trust. InJoy the day!

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