Dawn Grant Blog

If you’re feeling, stuck, unfocused and uninspired you’re probably looking for ways to increase motivation.

When your motivation is at an all time low, there are things you can do to transform stuckness into energy and motivation.

For many of us we get stuck in the ‘getting ready’ process.

We simply never actually get started.

So, how can we live every day with a clear intention to get closer to achieving our goals and living a happy, motivated life?

What strategies can we use to increase self-motivation and bring more energy and joy into our lives?.

The best way to increase motivation is to power up our self-motivation.

You can light your own fire.

How to increase self motivation

It is not enough simply to wait for inspiration to kickstart your forward progress. It doesn’t have to be something that happens to you, it can be something that you create.

All progress and self-motivation starts with taking action.

One action will lead to another.

Action, and achievements, will create better outcomes and new experiences for you.

When my coaching clients are feeling stuck and overwhelmed, I simply get them to start taking action. To get fired up. To do something specific.

If you want to increase self-motivation, committ to achieving something specific every day.

Even if it’s doing something for just 5 minutes, it’s often that little push that is enough to get them going and to increase motivation.

Reduce your to-do list to increase motivation

If you focus on a small number of things to create the change you want, it can have a dramatic effect on your motivation in business and life.

Here are 7 powerful ways you can increase motivation and energy right now to take that jump forward you need when you may feel a little overwhelmed or stuck:

1. Increase motivation by simplifying 

By creatively planning your life, it allows you to simplify.

Delegating and eliminating activities that don’t motivate or excite you ensures you maximise your time and focuses your energy on achieving your goals.

It’s really hard to stay motivated when your mind is confused and cluttered with all of the projects and tasks you need to do.

Transform complexity into simplicity by doing less.

Doing less and focusing on the things you love, will help you increase motivation.

If you can simplify, you can carve away the unnecessary.

When you do this, your life will become more focused. And more focus leads to increased motivation.

What areas of your life could you simplify?

Combine your small tasks 

One way you could do it is to combine tasks. Think about two things you want to do and see how you could combine them into one activity.

The author Marilyn Vos Savant takes this one stage further in her book Brain Building in Just 12 Weeks.

She recommends that we make a list of every small task that has to be done, say, over a day or a week-end and then do them all one after another.

Essentially, you are fusing lots of smaller tasks together into one task and completing them all together.

So rather than doing one task on one day and another task on another day, it becomes a focused blitz to get lots of little things completed all together.

This frees up our time, gives us a sense of accomplishment, that helps to increase motivation.

2. Focus on your accomplishments 

One of the things that reduces motivation and causes procrastination is that we measure our success not from how far we’ve come, but how far away we are from our dreams and ideals.

If we can change our mindset and become more conscious of how our brain is working, we can set ourselves up for a motivation boost.

We’re often at our happiest when we use our brains to problem solve, visualise, achieve and measure our progress.

If you talk in specifics rather than generalities, there is an opportunity to feel happier and more energised.

One way to do this is to start training your brain to measure specifics, which grounds your feelings in reality and can increase motivation.

Increase motivation by celebrating success

Rather than focusing on your ideal, think about what you’ve achieved from a specific starting point.

If your goal is to lose 14lbs in the next 6 months and you’ve lost 3 lbs in the first 3 months you have two choices.

1. You could focus on the fact that you’re still 11lbs away from your goal or….
2. Focus on the fact that you have lost 3lbs since you’ve started.

The second option will allow you to celebrate success and increase motivation and refocus your mind to lost more weight whilst the first option may focus your mind on how far away you are from your goals.

Let your brain set your own goals and have your own experiences.

3. Set measurable goals

This follows on nicely from the previous point. When I work with coaching clients we always set specific, measurable goals.

By goal setting, you increase motivation and train the brain to focus only on things that are specific and measurable.

When we are making real progress towards our goals, it makes us a lot happier. We are motivated and inspired.

We all sense where we are in the present moment. The past has gone and the future is well, the future.

In this present moment, we feel like we’re making progress, moving forward in the right direction or we’re not. We can’t stop time. We can only make better use of our time.

If you’re not happy with the progress you’re making, you may start comparing with others which can make you feel a lot worse and stop motivation in their tracks.

Use 90 day goals to boost motivation 

So, think about what goals you want to achieve for the next 90 Days. Ask yourself what is the meaning/purpose behind each of the goals.

Write the goals down. Put specific measurements against each goal and visualise what achieving the goals will mean to you in terms of your own personal progress.

4. Shift your motivation from getting to giving

Some people only focus on what they can get out of life and relationships. It’s all about me, me, me.

“When you change the way you look at things; the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

However, if you come from a position of serving and helping, and being more consciously awake to the world around you, your mindset can shift from merely receiving to giving.

And when you create this shift, coming from a space of giving, your brain starts coming up with more and more creative ways to spread more and more abundance.

It’s far more satisfying to focus on giving. If you really focus on this, it can become a true purpose and focus for you.

Deepen relationships to be more motivated 

Rather than focusing on simple transactions, you focus on deepening relationships and doing things that will genuinely make people happy.

If you focus on giving and gratitude and surround yourself with people of a similar mindset your motivational energy will always be high.

There are also additional benefits. When givers come together the results can be so much bigger than on an individual level as everything has the capacity to be multiplied.

When your motivation is to give your brain will think of more and more creative ways to do that.

Random thoughts will pop into your head and you’ll find more creative ways to improve other people in both your business and personal life.

5. Create and repeat a new positive habit

Sometimes, the smallest shifts create the biggest results. When you start a new habit, whether that’s going to the gym, creating videos or improving your speaking the key is consistency and repetition.

By actually doing something new over and over again, your brain wires new pathways that help you create incremental improvements.

If you want to start a new morning routine, the key is repetition. If you want to start meditating, the key is to stay with it. If you’re gearing up to run a 5k, the key is to run every day and build that strength and stamina.

When you have a vision of yourself as someone who doesn’t complete projects, then you think of yourself as that person.

But if you tell yourself every day you’re a world class ‘project completer,’ you’ll begin to think and act like that person.

If you’re procrastinating on a big project, just start small and do something to move it forward, even if only five minutes. The next day work on that project again.

The key is deciding what you want to improve and then working on that thing every day. A 1% improvement every day can produce big results in the end.

6. Increased gratitude boosts motivation

When you come from a place of expressing gratitude both to what you have and the people around you, the change can be immense.

If you express gratitude for what you have, you are less envious and fixated on what other people have.

When you express gratitude to the important people in your life, it changes how you perceive them and how they feel about you.

Gratitude increases your energy and your feelings of abundance. With gratitude, everything is appreciated.

Expressing gratitude also makes you a lot more creative and deepens your motivation. Handwritten notes, more expressive feelings, instantaneous notes or calls to the people that matter most become commonplace.

The thing about gratitude, though, is that it requires an active pursuit in all areas of your business and life. It’s not about what that person has done for you. It’s about how you feel about them, and their value to you.

How to increase gratitude 

Here’s a quick exercise:

Think about the people that are most important to you.

Next, write down 5 things you are grateful for, or appreciate, about that person.

You could tell them the 5 things or just keep it to yourself and sense how you are with that person the next time you meet.

Another important focus for gratitude is yourself. What are you grateful for today?

Taking the time to look inwardly and appreciate what you have built momentum and motivation and makes you a lot happier.

7. Increase your energy to increase motivation 

Energy is a huge motivator. If we are fired up or excited about someone or something, we are usually very motivated.

Think about the last time you achieved something important. I’m guessing your energy and motivation was high?

If you’ve beaten your best time on the track, or lost the weight you wanted, or won a big piece of business, your energy will be sky high and you will want to dive back in again to improve your previous performance.

When we are excited and motivated about the things we are doing, we bring high levels of energy.

Spend more time doing the things that motivate you

If you could spend more time doing the things that excite and motivate you, what would that mean for your business and life?

High levels of energy produce continual growth and give you higher levels of confidence.  One of the best ways to increase your energy is to improve your sleep.

Try this:

Pick three things that give you high levels of excitement and motivation. Commit to spending at least one more hour on each of the things every month.

See what you can achieve. If it brings in the results you want, aim to spend more time on those 3 things and remove 3 things you want to spend less time on.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
Wayne Dyer

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar

“I was thinking one day and I realized that if I just had somebody behind me all the way to motivate me I could make a big difference. Nobody came along like that so I just became that person for myself.”
Unknown

Some days you wake up motivated and ready to go. And some days things feel heavy as you arise and it is hard to get going and find that inner drive.

At least in my experience. 

1. Just get started and let the motivation catch up with you.

You don’t have to wait for motivation to get started. If you want to work in a consistent way every day then sometimes you just have to get going anyway.

And the funny thing is that after I have worked for a while things feel easier and easier and more fun and the motivation catches up with me.

2. Start small if big leads you to procrastinating.

If a project or task feels too big and daunting don’t let that lead you into procrastination.

Instead, break it down into small steps – like just setting up your blog or cleaning for 5 minutes – and then take just one of them to start moving forward.

3. Start tiny if a small step still leads you to procrastination.

If breaking it down and taking a small step still leads you to procrastinating then go even smaller. Take just a tiny 1-2 minute step forward. That’s it. 

Because the most important thing is to just get going and to build momentum forward.

4. Reduce the daily distractions.

When you have easily accessible distractions all around you then it becomes hard to focus.

So shut the door to your office. Put your smart phone in silent mode at the other end of your work space or home. And use an extension for your browser like StayFocusd to keep yourself on track.

5. Get accountability from the people in your life.

Tell your friends what you will do on social media, via phone or in real life. Ask one or more of them to regularly check up on you and your progress.

By doing this you’ll be a lot less likely to try to weasel out of things or give up at the first obstacle.

6. Get motivation from the people in your life.

Spend less time with negative people who always look at the dark or apathetic side of things.

And spend more of the time you have now freed up with enthusiastic or motivated people and let their energy flow over to you.

7. Get the motivation from people you don’t know.

Don’t limit yourself to just the motivation you can get from the people closest you.

There is a ton of motivating quotes, books, podcasts, blogs and success stories out there that you can tap into to up or renew your motivation.

8. Play music that gives you energy.

One of the simplest things I do when I feel low in energy or motivation is to play music that is upbeat and/or inspires me in some way.

A break with a few songs or working while listening to them for a while usually works well.

9. Find the optimism.

Pessimism can drain both your motivation and energy.

But the positive and constructive way of looking at things can on the other hand energize and recharge your motivation.

So when you're in what looks like a negative situation ask yourself questions like:

What’s one thing that’s good about this? And what’s one hidden opportunity here?

10. Be kind to yourself when you stumble.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of beating yourself when you stumble or fail.

But that don’t work that well in my experience. You just feel worse and less motivated.

So try this the next time: be kind to yourself, nudge yourself back on the path you were on and take one small step forward.

11. Be constructive about the failures.

To make your setbacks more valuable and less hurtful be constructive about them. When you stumble ask yourself:

What is one thing I can learn from this setback?

Then keep that lesson in mind and take action on it to improve what you do.

12. Compare yourself to yourself and see how far you have come.

Instead of deflating yourself and your motivation by comparing yourself to others who are so far ahead of you.

13. Compete in a friendly way.

When you’re in school or at work make it a friendly competition with a friend to for example finish a boring or routine task first. Just that element of competition tends to liven things up.

And if you want to you can also add a small prize for extra motivation, like the winner getting a free ice cream or a beer from the other person.

14. Remind yourself of why you are working toward this.

When you’re feeling unmotivated and low in energy it's easy to lose sight of why you’re doing something.

So take 2 minutes and write down your top 3 reasons for doing this work, getting an education, working out, saving that extra money or something else.

Put that note where you can see it every day or keep it in your smartphone for easy access when you need a motivational boost.

15. Remind yourself of what you're moving away from.

You can also motivate yourself to get going again by looking at the negative impact of staying on your current path.

Ask yourself:

What will the consequences be if I continue on this path for 1 more year? And if I do if for 5 more years?

I have found that this exercise has given me the kick-start I needed many times in the past years.

16. Be grateful for what you got.

When motivation is running low then it’s easy to start seeing your life and the aspects of it through a negative lens.

To put your focus on what you still have and who you are – and to recharge with positivity and motivation ­– ask yourself a question like:

What are 3 things I sometimes take for granted but can be grateful for in my life?

My answers would, for example, be a roof over my head, clean water and not having to go hungry.

17. Mix things up.

A rut will kill motivation. So mix things up. Make a competition out of a task with yourself or with someone else.

When you work out vary what you do instead of going through the motions. Listen to music and podcasts that you usually don’t listen to.

New input and variation tends to be a good way to keep the motivation up (or to recharge it).

18. Declutter your workspace.

Take a couple of minutes to clean it up.

I find that having an uncluttered and minimalistic workspace helps me to think more clearly and I feel more focused and ready to tackle the next task (or small step).

19. Reduce your to-do list to just one item.

An over-stuffed to-do list can be a real motivation killer.

So try reducing your current to-do list to just one item. The one that’s most important to you right now or perhaps the one you've been procrastinating on for way too long.

Then get started by taking a big, small or tiny step.

And have another list tucked away somewhere where you can’t see it with other tasks to do later on.

20. Don’t forget about the breaks.

Few things can in my experience drain the daily motivation like just working non-stop.

Instead, work for 45 minutes each hour and use the rest for a break where you eat a snack, get out for some fresh air or do a bit of stretching.

You’ll – perhaps somewhat counter-intuitively – get more done in a day and week and do work of higher quality because your energy, focus and motivation will simply last longer.

21. Adjust your goal size.

If a big goal in your life feels overwhelming set a smaller goal to find your motivation again.

And if a smaller goal doesn’t seem inspiring try to aim higher and make it bigger goal and see how that affects your motivation.

22. Exercise.

Working out doesn’t just affect your body. I find that just 20-30 minutes of lifting free weights releases inner tensions and stress and makes me feel more focused once again.

23. Take 2 minutes to look back at your successes.

Close your eyes and let the memories of your biggest successes – no matter in what part of your life – wash over you. Let those most positive memories boost your motivation.

24. Reward yourself and celebrate your successes.

If you’re looking forward to a nice reward that you’re getting yourself after you’re done with a task or a project then your motivation tends to go up.

If you celebrate a success in some other way by for example by taking 1 minute to appreciate what you did or by telling someone about your success then that also usually recharges motivation and positivity.

So dangle those carrots and celebrate to keep your motivation up.

25. Do a bit of research before you get started.

Learning from people who have gone where you want to go and done what you want to do can help you to avoid pitfalls. And to give you a realistic time-table for success.

This is important to not get demotivated when things aren’t happening as fast you had wished.

26. Take a 2 minute meditation break. 

When my mind is a bit tired or perhaps even overloaded my energy and motivation goes down. So in the afternoons – or when needed – I tend to sit down with closed eyes and just focus on my breathing for 2 minutes.

This clears my mind and releases inner tensions.

27. Go out in nature.

Few things give me as much new energy and motivation to take on life as this does.

So I often go out for a walk in the woods or by the sea and I'm just there in the moment with the nature, the fresh air and I don't think about anything special.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” -- Maxwell Maltz

Nobody is born with limitless self-confidence. If someone seems to have incredible self-confidence, it’s because he or she has worked on building it for years. Self-confidence is something that you learn to build up because the challenging world of business, and life in general, can deflate it.

An online negative review, a request for a refund from a customer or a flat rejection from investors can cause our self-confidence to dwindle. Well-meaning but sometimes unkind comments from those closest to us can also hit us hard.

On top of this, we have to deal with our inner critic of self-doubt that constantly tells us that we are not good enough. When bombarded by so many elements that threaten our self-confidence, we need to take charge of building it up for ourselves.

As we teach at Skill Incubator, building a successful business requires a thick skin and unshakable confidence in your ability to overcome obstacles. Here are 10 things you can do to build up your self-confidence.

1. Visualize yourself as you want to be.

“What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” -- Napoleon Hill

Visualization is the technique of seeing an image of yourself that you are proud of, in your own mind. When we struggle with low self-confidence, we have a poor perception of ourselves that is often inaccurate. Practice visualizing a fantastic version of yourself, achieving your goals.

2. Affirm yourself.

"Affirmations are a powerful tool to deliberately install desired beliefs about yourself." -- Nikki Carnevale 

We tend to behave in accordance with our own self-image. The trick to making lasting change is to change how you view yourself.

Affirmations are positive and uplifting statements that we say to ourselves. These are normally more effective if said out loud so that you can hear yourself say it. We tend to believe whatever we tell ourselves constantly. For example, if you hate your own physical appearance, practice saying something that you appreciate or like about yourself when you next look in the mirror.

To get your brain to accept your positive statements more quickly, phrase your affirmations as questions such as, “Why am I so good at making deals?” instead of “I am so good at making deals.” Our brains are biologically wired to seek answers to questions, without analyzing whether the question is valid or not.

3. Do one thing that scares you every day.

“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” -- T. Harv Eker

The best way to overcome fear is to face it head-on. By doing something that scares you every day and gaining confidence from every experience, you will see your self-confidence soar. So get out of your comfort zone and face your fears!

4. Question your inner critic.

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” -- Louise L. Hay

Some of the harshest comments that we get come from ourselves, via the "voice of the inner critic." If you struggle with low self-confidence, there is a possibility that your inner critic has become overactive and inaccurate.

Strategies such as cognitive behavioral therapy help you to question your inner critic, and look for evidence to support or deny the things that your inner critic is saying to you. For example, if you think that you are a failure, ask yourself, “What evidence is there to support the thought that I am a failure?” and “What evidence is there that doesn’t support the thought that I am a failure?”

Find opportunities to congratulate, compliment and reward yourself, even for the smallest successes. As Mark Twain said, “[A] man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

5. Take the 100 days of rejection challenge.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Jia Jiang has become famous for recording his experience of “busting fear” by purposefully making crazy requests of people in order to be rejected over 100 days. His purpose was to desensitize himself to rejection, after he became more upset than he expected over rejection from a potential investor. Busting fear isn’t easy to do, but if you want to have fun while building up your self-confidence, this is a powerful way to do it.

6. Set yourself up to win.

“To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” -- Denis Waitley

Too many people are discouraged about their abilities because they set themselves goals that are too difficult to achieve. Start by setting yourself small goals that you can win easily.

Once you have built a stream of successes that make you feel good about yourself, you can then move on to harder goals. Make sure that you also keep a list of all your achievements, both large and small, to remind yourself of the times that you have done well.

Instead of focusing only on “to-do" lists, I like to spend time reflecting on “did-it" lists. Reflecting on the major milestones, projects and goals you’ve achieved is a great way to reinforce confidence in your skills.

7. Help someone else.

Helping someone else often enables us to forget about ourselves and to feel grateful for what we have. It also feels good when you are able to make a difference for someone else.

Instead of focusing on your own weaknesses, volunteer to mentor, assist or teach another, and you'll see your self-confidence grow automatically in the process.

8. Care for yourself.

“Self-care is never a selfish act -- it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” -- Parker Palmer

Self-confidence depends on a combination of good physical health, emotional health and social health. It is hard to feel good about yourself if you hate your physique or constantly have low energy.

Make time to cultivate great exercise, eating and sleep habits. In addition, dress the way you want to feel. You have heard the saying that “clothes make the man.” Build your self-confidence by making the effort to look after your own needs.

9. Create personal boundaries.

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”-- Harvey Fierstein

Learn to say no. Teach others to respect your personal boundaries. If necessary, take classes on how to be more assertive and learn to ask for what you want. The more control and say that you have over your own life, the greater will be your self-confidence.

Related: 5 Ways to Train Your Brain and Boost Your Self-Esteem

10. Shift to an equality mentality.

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” -- Marilyn Monroe

People with low self-confidence see others as better or more deserving than themselves. Instead of carrying this perception, see yourself as being equal to everyone. They are no better or more deserving than you. Make a mental shift to an equality mentality and you will automatically see an improvement in your self-confidence.

Via @ https://www.entrepreneur.com/

[Editors Note: This is a guest blog post written by Mason Hoberg. Mason is a freelance writer who covers music-related topics and is a regular contributor to Equipboard.]

The hardest part about participating in any facet of the arts is overcoming your own insecurities. It’s easy to feel self-conscious when you perform music, especially when you’re not confident in your playing abilities to begin with.

The worst part about being unconfident as a musician is that it will rob you of enjoyment from your playing. If you don’t feel comfortable playing in front of others you’ll never be able to experience playing with your friends, playing open mics (which is a lot of fun if you have the right mindset), or being in a band.

If this is an issue that you’ve faced you’ve come to the right place. This article will give you four great tips to help you build confidence as a musician, which in turn will help you become the musician you always dreamed that you could be.

TIP 1: PLAY FOR FAMILY AND/OR FRIENDS

I know it sounds kind of lame, but playing for family is actually a really good way to dip your toe into the pool of live performance. Most families are relatively supportive, so it’s a bit less stressful than playing in front of strangers.

Playing in front of friends is the second step. Your friends are still likely to be supportive, but more honest than your family. Constructive criticism is going to help you improve, but it’s just as important to learn how to take feedback that may not necessarily be very positive. It’s a skill that helps you learn to accept your flaws as a musician, which will in turn help you increase your confidence.

TIP 2: FOCUS ON IMPROVING, NOT PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN

A mistake that a lot of musicians make is that they focus more of their attention on worrying about the flaws in their playing, rather than how they can improve them. Analyzing every mistake you make and then letting it bring you down is going to hurt your playing more than it will help. It may even eventually lead to you abandoning your instrument.

Instead, count every mistake you notice in your playing as a lesson.

Think about why what you played didn’t work or didn’t sound quite as good as it could have, then start thinking about how you can change it. Doing this will help you keep improving because you’ll always be working towards something instead of spending energy worrying about what you’re doing wrong.

TIP 3: PLAY A SONG A DAY IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR

The most important part of building confidence is to consistently see a visual representation of your success, and the easiest way to do this is to play in front of a mirror. Playing in front of a mirror allows you to see yourself succeed with some aspect of your playing. It reassures you that though there may be things you struggle with, it’s still worth it to continue practicing because you can see that there are things you can do well musically.

Even better, playing in front of a mirror actually improves your technique. It lets you see how you play with a perspective you don’t normally get, which will do wonders for helping you remedy flaws in your technique.

TIP 4: PLAY LIVE!!!

The most important thing when you’re trying to build confidence is that you really just need to put yourself out there. Odds are you’re not going to sound great, but that’s okay. Unfortunately, the only way to become a good performer is to perform. It’s not a skill that you can hone without practice, and you can’t practice without doing it. This is where open mics come in handy, because odds are there are plenty of other people there who are also just starting out.

Performing will also help build your confidence in your abilities as a musician, regardless of whether or not you choose to continue performing. This confidence will improve your overall performance, resulting in a positive feedback loop where you’ll find yourself improving more and more as time goes on.

WRAPPING IT ALL UP

While building confidence as a musician is a long and difficult process, it does have a big payoff. It can help you become the musician you always hoped to be, and even better it will help you enjoy playing your instrument more than you ever thought possible.

Got some advice for your fellow artists trying to build confidence? Share below in the comments!

When you find a tree so big that one photo can’t capture it all, what do you do? You take 126 photos!

Nature can be truly amazing at all times, but there are some special moments that take our breath away. One such instance is that of miraculous trees.

They can “speak” to each other in a language all their own, and they provide much needed resources, like oxygen, for our planet.

We found a story about a collection of photos required to capture a complete image of a tree and we thought it was worth sharing. But not just any tree, an ancient tree.

In this post, we are featuring the best 50 random acts of kindness ideas that you can ​use to make the world a better place. They are guaranteed to infuse positivity into your day and to others as well.

Here we go.

1. Set aside your phone.
These days, time is the greatest gift we can give to others. If you’re usually on the phone a lot, take a break from this habit. Take time to engage in a meaningful face-to-face conversation with a friend or family member.

2. Send a care package to a friend.
A care package is a wonderful thing to receive. Not only does it contains things someone would be happy to have, but the good thought that goes along with it can help boost positive feelings.


3. Leave notes with positive and encouraging messages.
A little written reminder from you about someone’s positive attributes or how much you appreciate their presence in your life can lift anyone’s spirit.

4. Hug someone today.
We are now more isolated from each other that some people go for weeks without having physical contact with another human being. Hug someone today. Studies have shown that not only does a hug improve mood, but it can also strengthen the immune system.

5. Write a letter to someone and actually mail it.
Text messages are good for quick exchanges of information and status updates. However, to rekindle the connection with either a friend or a family member, the best way to do it is to send a letter where you share news about your life in written form.

6. Prepare a meal for someone.
A hot, home-cooked meal is a boon for most people who have hectic schedules. It’s a welcome break from the usual fast food fare. Add value to the experience by sharing the meal with them.


7. Gift someone with a souvenir from your trip.
When you return from a trip, give someone a souvenir that they’d appreciate. It’s a nice gesture that tells the recipients that they were in your thoughts while you were away.

8. Volunteer to do a friend’s or a family member’s laundry.
Doing the laundry is considered as one of the most tedious of household chores. People will appreciate it if you take the effort to wash their clothes for them.

9. Get someone to go on a spontaneous adventure with you.
You don’t need to tough it out in the wild. It could mean just exploring your city or town and discovering new things — a great hole-in-the-wall restaurant, perhaps? It does not even have to be about traveling.

Trying out new stuff and learning something for the first time are also considered adventures. Invite someone to come with you on these adventures.

10. Give someone a list of the things you love about them.
Most people only see their failings. Change this by giving someone you know a list of their qualities that make them awesome.

11. Prepare and organize a surprise party for someone.
Throwing someone a surprise party takes commitment and resourcefulness. People appreciate that others will go the extra mile to celebrate happy moments in their lives, especially if it’s a surprise.


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Random act of kindness: Prepare and organize a surprise party for someone.
12. Be a baby/dog/cat-sitter for the day – for free.
Many parents (of humans and fur babies) forego taking time out for themselves because sitters’ rates are often expensive. They will certainly appreciate your offer to look after their precious little ones without charge.

13. Ditch your usual route and offer someone a ride home.
You don’t lose much if you offer to drop someone off away from your usual route. What’s more, you could ease someone’s loneliness by providing company for the entire duration of the drive.


14. Treat someone to the movies.
Invite someone to the movies, not as a date but as a chance to connect or bond with each other. Choose a film that the person will like. Buy them a popcorn, too!

15. Treat a teenager to lunch at a restaurant.
There is something about dining with proper cutlery and glassware that brings out the best in most people. Taking a teen out to lunch in a resto tells them that they are special and worth treating well.

16. Mow a neighbor’s lawn after mowing your own.
Get the most out of the adrenaline rush of cutting your lawn grass by also mowing your neighbor’s yard. It could just restore their faith in humanity.

17. Prepare breakfast in bed for your family.
Show how much you care for and appreciate your family by making breakfast in bed for them. Your effort will be appreciated.

18. Bring some eatables to work for sharing.
It could be cookies you baked by yourself or some donuts you bought from the shop on your way to work. This kind gesture will likely inspire your coworkers to do the same the next time around.

19. Prepare two lunches: One for yourself and another for giving to someone.
There is such a thing as free lunch if you’re the one sharing it with another person.

20. Teach someone a skill.
One of the best ways to show a kindness to someone is to teach them a skill. Whether it’s basic cooking, how to pay bills, how to build a how, the know-how will be your lasting legacy to someone’s life. As a kind gesture for yourself, learn something new as well with pointers from this article.

21. Take time to listen to your grandparents reminisce about the “good old days”
Grandchildren often roll their eyes whenever their grandparents begin to talk about their younger days. It is an act of kindness to sincerely listen to these stories that are part of your heritage.

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Random act of kindness: Take time to listen to your grandparents reminisce about the “good old days.”
22. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
Most shelters are usually understaffed. Volunteering can ease the burden and gives you a chance to make a difference.

23. Be a storyteller for kids’ story time at the library
Develop a child’s sense of wonder through storytelling. Sign up as a storyteller in your city or town’s library.

24. Keep the elevator door open for someone rushing to take a ride
It takes just a few seconds’ wait. You could avert a crisis by preventing a person from being late.

25. Hold a musical performance in a retirement home.
Do you know how to sing or play a musical instrument? Share your talent by providing entertainment for the elderly.

26. Tip generously.
People who work in the service industry usually rely on tips for their income. Help them meet their needs by tipping fairly or, better yet, generously.

27. Smile at people you meet.
A smile could brighten up someone’s day. Why not have it as your default greeting?

28. If you see a mother taking pictures of her kids, offer to take their family picture.
The self-timer on the camera is another option but not always the best one. Parents would be happy to be included in a well-composed family picture of a day together with the kids.

29. Instead of giving your leftovers to the homeless, buy some food for them.
When you decide to give, give the best that you have. It’s the core of true generosity.

30. Write a letter to former teachers who made a difference in your life.
Teachers often do not realize how much influence they have on their students’ lives. Write them a letter (email or regular post) and tell them how they contributed to who you are at present.

31. When someone speaks, listen intently.
The art of mindful listening is nearly extinct. Keep it alive by stopping yourself from constantly thinking of ways to one-up the person’s experience with something of your own. Just be present and let the other tell their stories with you as the captive audience.

32. Talk to the person sitting by their lonesome at a party.
Even if you are feeling shy yourself, get out of your comfort zone and muster the courage to strike a conversation with someone who’s alone in a corner while the party rages on.

You could be forging a friendship that would last a lifetime.

33. Let them cut you in line.
Develop the habit of cutting people some slack. Let people go ahead of you in a line or give them the parking space. It could be that they are in a hurry because of some personal emergency.

34. Do your best to make people feel included during conversations.
There are those who monopolize conversations. Make sure you are not one of them. Develop eye contact with everyone in the group while you speak, to assure each individual that you acknowledge them and are communicating with them.

35. Say thank you to the janitor.
They are often the unsung heroes of every building. Acknowledge what they do with sincere words of thanks.

36. Buy a glass of lemonade from the kids’ stands.
It does not cost much and could develop children’s confidence in their abilities.

37. Show up when you are invited to a party.
It might not be an ideal way to spend your time, but showing up tells the host that you acknowledge the effort they made to plan the gathering.

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Random act of kindness: Showing up to a party tells the host that you acknowledge the effort in planning it all.
38. Be courteous and kind to customer-care representatives.
It is easy to be an irate customer on the phone when a company’s service is not up to par. However, always remember that you are speaking with another human being. Moreover, the issue you’re calling in about is most likely not their fault.

39. Wash the dishes even if it’s someone else’s turn.
Chores can be tedious. Give someone a break from doing the washing up shows you care.

40. Respond to an unsolicited phone call or email.
You might want to respond to a cold outreach every once in a while. Although we view spam and telemarketing as a nuisance, the people who do this often expect only rejection. Replying to their emails or spending time to listen to them pitch their ideas is a true act of kindness.

41. Introduce someone to a potential employer or business associate.
Receiving outside help when one is building up a career or a business is a wonderful gift. The introduction you made could be the break that someone is waiting for.

42. Help someone cross the street.
Whether it is an elderly, a kid, or a person carrying a huge parcel, be their guide as they maneuver the sidewalk to the other side of the road.

43. Pay for the lunch of the person standing behind you in line.
It does not cost much, but the gesture shows that there are still strangers who care.

44. Let an inspiring influencer, e. g. a blogger or journalist, know that they make a difference.
Email your thoughts to encourage those who spread positivity through media to continue what they are doing.

45. Buy the seedling and plant a tree.
Even better, plant several trees. It is an act of kindness not only for the environment but also for future generations.

46. Praise someone’s performance in front of other co-workers.
Most workplaces have office politics, where each one watches their own backs. Change the negative office culture into something positive by praising a colleague in front of others.

47. At the grocery, let the person purchasing just one or two items check out ahead of you.
It would probably take less than five minutes for them to check out. You could use the time to practice mindfulness.

48. Support local businesses.
Most local businesses are family-owned enterprises that do not have the might of major brands or international conglomerates. Support your neighborhood coffee shop, farmer’s market, or artisans making a conscious choice to patronize their products or services.

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Random act of kindness: Support your local shops and make a conscious choice to patronize their products or services.
49. Tell a manager about the wonderful service given by a waiter or waitress.
Spread more kindness in the world by highlighting the positive things. Approaching the restaurant manager and speaking to him/her of the great waitress/waiter.

50. Forgive even when no apology was offered.
The act of forgiveness even when the person who has done you wrong didn’t offer an apology frees you from the pain of the past. It is an act of kindness that mainly benefits your health and your well-being.

Source https://www.developgoodhabits.com/random-acts-of-kindness-ideas/

An intriguing new paper in the Journal of Neuroscience introduces a new optical illusion – and, potentially, a new way to see ones own brain activity.

The article is called The Flickering Wheel Illusion: When Alpha Rhythms Make a Static Wheel Flicker by Sokoliuk and VanRullen.

Here’s the illusion:

flicker.png

It’s a simple black and white “wheel” with 32 spokes.

To see the illusion, get the wheel in your peripheral vision. Look around the edge of your screen and maybe a bit beyond – you should find a ‘sweet spot’ at which the center of the wheel starts to ‘flicker’ on and off like a strobe light.

Remarkably, it even works as an afterimage. Find a ‘sweet spot’, stare at that spot for a minute, then look at a blank white wall. You should briefly see a (color-reversed) image of the wheel and it flickers like the real one (I can confirm it works for me).

By itself, this is just a cool illusion. There are lots of those around. What makes it neuroscientifically interesting is that – according to Sokoliuk and VanRullen – that flickering reflects brain alpha waves.

First some background. Alpha waves are rhythmical electrical fields generated in the brain. They cycle with a frequency of about 10 Hz (ten times per second) and are strongest when you have your eyes closed, but are still present whenever you’re awake.

When Hans Berger invented the electroencephalograph (EEG) and hooked it up to the first subjects in 1924, these waves were the first thing he noticed – hence, “alpha”. They’re noticable because they’re both strong and consistent. They’re buzzing through your brain right now.

alpha_waves

But there’s a mystery – why don’t we see them?

Alpha waves are generated by rhythmical changes in neuronal activity, mainly centered on the occipital cortex. Occipital activity is what makes us see things. So why don’t we see something roughly 10 times every second?

It’s hard to say what we ‘ought’ to see – perhaps flashing lights, or colors, or patterns – but it is rather interesting that we don’t see (or feel or hear) anything at alpha frequency.

Or do we? Sokoliuk and VanRullen argue that the flickering of the wheel is related in some intimate way to alpha. They offer two lines of evidence here.

Firstly, in a task in which people had to compare the illusionary flicker against a wheel that was actually flickering at different frequencies, the most popular frequency perceived as matching the illusion was 9.1 Hz – i.e. a typical alpha waveone.

But there was a lot of variability:

flicker_hz

Secondly, the authors say that perceiving the illusion (not just seeing the physical wheel) causes increased alpha waves:

alpha_modulation

How could this happen? The authors speculate that there’s a:

Correspondence between the spatial organization of visual cortex (retinotopy, cortical magnification, lateral connections) and the temporal dynamics of neuronal information propagation (neuronal time constants, conduction delays)…

Once alpha activity reaches a critical threshold, the rapid alternation of favorable and less favorable phases for sensory processing produces a “pulsed-inhibition” that can become visible as a regular flicker in the center of the wheel.

This is an extremely cool set of experiments, but to my mind they haven’t yet shown a ‘smoking gun’ which proves that the flicker really is alpha, as opposed to being something that happens to provoke alpha, and be of roughly alpha frequency.

Perhaps a smoking gun would be to show a correlation between an individual’s own alpha frequency (these, we know, differ between people, but are very stable for each individual) and that person’s perceived flicker rate.

Sokoliuk R, & Vanrullen R (2013). The Flickering Wheel Illusion: When Alpha Rhythms Make a Static Wheel Flicker. The Journal of Neuroscience, 33 (33), 13498-504 PMID: 23946408

We’ve all experienced that magical feeling of being hit with ‘a brainwave’. That moment of newfound clarity, shift in perspective or a novel idea. And typically, it seems to appear out of nowhere. In between sips of coffee, while out for a walk, or simply indulging your dog in a good belly rub.

While “a brainwave” can be a figure of speech to describe our thoughts, scientists and clinicians can use literal brainwaves, measured on the head, to help understand the functioning of the human brain.  As it turns out, the key to having more of these ‘aha’ moments lies in understanding the science behind brainwaves. Neuroscientists have been studying brainwaves – the popular name for the field of electroencephalography – for nearly a century.

What are brainwaves?

The brain has billions of neurons, and each individual neuron connects (on average) to thousands of others. Communication happens between them through small electrical currents that travel along the neurons and throughout enormous networks of brain circuits. When all these neurons are activated they produce electrical pulses – visualize a wave rippling through the crowd at a sports arena –  this synchronized electrical activity results in a “brainwave”.

When many neurons interact in this way at the same time, this activity is strong enough to be detected even outside the brain. By placing electrodes on the scalp, this activity can be amplified, analyzed, and visualized. This is electroencephalography, or EEG – a fancy word that just means electric brain graph. (Encephalon, the brain, is derived from the ancient Greek “enképhalos,” meaning within the head.)

One way that EEG ‘brainwaves’ convey information is in their rate of repetition. Some oscillations, measured on the scalp, occur at more than 30 cycles per second (and up to 100 cycles per second!) These cycles, also called frequencies, are measured as Hz, or hertz, after the scientist who proved the existence of electromagnetic waves.

When looked at this way, brainwaves come in five flavours, each of which corresponds to a Greek letter. As we’ll see, these different brainwaves correspond to different states of thought or experience. While there are many other ways to analyze brainwaves, many practitioners of a field called neurofeedback rely on dividing brain oscillations into these five categories.

Some of these brain oscillations are more easily detectable on specific parts of the scalp, corresponding to the parts of the brain just below. The brain has many specialized regions which correspond to different processes, thoughts, and sensations. Particular oscillations often reflect distinct regions and networks in the brain communicating with each other.

The 5 main types of brainwave frequencies

Different patterns of brainwaves can be recognized by their amplitudes and frequencies. Brainwaves can then be categorized based on their level of activity or frequency. It’s important to remember, though, that brainwaves are not the source or the cause of brain states, or of our experiences of our own minds – they’re just some of the detectable reflections of the complex processes in the brain that produce our experience of being, thinking, and perceiving.

• Slow activity refers to a lower frequency and high amplitude (the distance between two peaks of a wave). These oscillations are often much larger in amplitude (wave depth). Think: low, the deep beat of a drum.
• Fast activity refers to a higher frequency and often smaller amplitude. Think: high pitched flute.

Below are five often-described brainwaves, from fastest activity levels to slowest.

Gamma Brainwaves

• Frequency: 32 – 100 Hz
• Associated state: Heightened perception, learning, problem-solving tasks

Gamma brainwaves are the fastest measurable EEG brainwaves, and have been equated to ‘heightened perception’, or a ‘peak mental state’ when there is simultaneous processing of information from different parts of the brain. Gamma brainwaves have been observed to be much stronger and more regularly observed in very long-term meditators including Buddhist Monks.

Beta Brainwaves

• Frequency: 13-32 Hz
• State: Alert, normal alert consciousness, active thinking

For example:

• Active conversation
• Making decisions
• Solving a problem
• Focusing on a task
• Learning a new concept

Beta brainwaves are easiest to detect when we’re busy thinking actively.

Alpha Brainwaves

• Frequency: 8-13 Hz
• State: Physically and mentally relaxed

Alpha brainwaves are some of the most easily observed and were the first to be discovered. They become detectable when the eyes are closed and the mind is relaxed.  They can also often be found during activities such as:

• Yoga
• Just before falling asleep
• Being creative and artistic

Theta Brainwaves

• Frequency: 4-8 Hz
• State: Creativity, insight, dreams, reduced consciousness

According to Professor Jim Lagopoulos of Sydney University, “previous studies have shown that theta waves indicate deep relaxation and occur more frequently in highly experienced meditation practitioners.  The source is probably frontal parts of the brain, which are associated with monitoring of other mental processes.”

Most frequently, theta brainwaves are strongly detectable when we’re dreaming in our sleep (think, the movie Inception), but they can also be seen  during :

• Deep meditation
• Daydreaming

When we’re doing a task that is so automatic that the mind can disengage from it e.g. brushing teeth, showering. Research has also shown a positive association of theta waves with memory, creativity and psychological well-being. (5) (6)

Delta Brainwaves

• Frequency: 0.5-4 Hz
• State: Sleep, dreaming

These are the slowest of all brainwaves, and are strongest when we are enjoying restorative sleep in a dreamless state. This is also the state where healing and rejuvenation are stimulated, which is why it’s so crucial to get enough sleep each night.

How to train your brainwaves

Is it possible to change how much we experience these different brainwaves, and the brain states and thought experiences associated with them? In short, yes.

Conditioning and Neurofeedback

For decades, practitioners have engaged in training programs which are intended to reinforce the brain states which produce increases in certain brain oscillations, and decreases in others. The most common example of this, called neurofeedback, can utilize EEG or other brain sensing modalities.

Neurofeedback practitioners and clinicians find that immediate, direct feedback on brain states, whether in the form of sound, light, or even a video game, can produce changes in underlying behaviors and brain states that are reflected in brainwaves. This feedback seems to accelerate the learning process, by making brain states more apparent to the recipient.

Another important discovery in the recent history of neuroscience is the significant differences in brainwave characteristics of highly experienced meditators. Expert meditators not only have different resting-state brainwaves from non-meditators – they also seem able to control their brainwaves through voluntary thought control with greater ease than others.  

So how do we start to improve our ability to control our brainwaves? These brainwave-changing skills can be learned. Meditation deepens your ability to focus and control your attention.

What does the brain of a lifelong Zen monk look like?

It’s an interesting question, and it turns out there’s an answer. In 1966, two Japanese neuroscientists, Kasamatsu and Hirai, packed up their brain-scanning equipment and hiked to a Zen monastery in the mountains of Japan, intent on finding out what happens in the head of a monk.

Kasamatsu and Hirai quickly discovered that monks have unusual brains. They asked the monastery’s master to rank his students by their spiritual advancement. They then measured the electrical activity of each monk’s brain while the monk was at rest. A clear pattern emerged: the more advanced the monk, the more of a specific type electrical pattern he produced.^[1] These patterns, called alpha brain waves, linked tightly to the monk’s spiritual advancement and feelings of inner peace.

Kasamatsu and Hira’s discovery sparked a new field of scientific research. Now, 50 years later, we know quite a bit about the benefits alpha brain waves, and how you can increase them.

INCREASING ALPHA IS A POWERFUL BIOHACK

Training my brain to make more alpha is the number one most impactful biohack that I have done in my entire life. That’s saying something, because I’ve spent more than a million dollars on personal upgrades and hacking my biology.

Enhancing your alpha is like a permanent level-up for your brain. It affects your creativity, happiness, emotional stability, productivity, relationships, and far more. This article will cover what happens when you boost your alpha waves, and how you can increase them.

WHAT ARE BRAIN WAVES?

Your brain has electricity running through it all the time. Electrical signals work with chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and so on) to create your experience of the world.

You can measure your brain’s electrical activity with an electroencephalogram (EEG). If you do, you’ll notice waves of electricity that travel across your brain in a regular, repeating pattern. These are brain waves, and they have a huge impact on how you think and feel. There are a few different types of brainwaves, each with different effects^[2]:

• Beta waves mediate attention and sometimes produce anxiety.
• Theta waves rise during drowsiness and daydreaming. They can also increase your sense of connectedness with people around you.
• Delta waves increase during restorative sleep.

Then there are alpha waves. Alpha waves give you a feeling of deep calm, coupled with productivity, creativity, and effortless focus. Let’s take a closer look at them.

THE BENEFITS OF ALPHA BRAIN WAVES

If you’ve ever been in a flow state — where you’ve lost your sense of time and self and become extraordinarily productive — you’ve experienced a burst of alpha.^[3] High alpha does a few different things for you:

• Eases anxiety^[4]
• Lowers depression^[5]
• Boosts creativity^[6][7]
• Increases pain tolerance^[8]
• Boosts resilience to stress^[9]

Basically, high alpha makes you a calmer, happier, less reactive, more creative and productive person. Increasing my alpha brain waves is the key to me functioning as a CEO; it’s that important.

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR ALPHA BRAIN WAVES

The cool thing about alpha is that you can permanently increase it, and permanently instill the benefits that come alongside increased alpha.. Here’s how to permanently increase alpha:

NEUROFEEDBACK

Neurofeedback is so powerful that it prompted me to start a company, 40 Years of Zen, dedicated entirely to boosting alpha through neurofeedback. The company’s name comes from its results: after a 5-day session, your alpha levels resemble those of a 40-year Zen monk’s. Neurofeedback is by far the fastest way to increase your alpha. It allows you to listen to your own brain waves in real time and teaches you to change them at will.

MEDITATION

This is the old-school version of neurofeedback. The sense of inner calm and focus you get from meditation is thanks to increased alpha brain waves.^[10] I talk about meditation in my book “Game Changers: What Leaders, Innovators, and Mavericks Do to Win at Life”; it’s one of the most common habits of high performers. If you’ve never meditated before, try the Bulletproof 30-Day Meditation Challenge to get started. Even five minutes a day will make a big change in your performance.

GRATITUDE PLUS FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness and gratitude are two powerful ways to boost your alpha, and they’re even more powerful when you combine them. You can carry around a lot of unconscious stress from trauma in your past. Combining gratitude with forgiveness can help you process the trauma and let it go, permanently increasing your alpha in the process. Try this: write down something that hurt you, and write down exactly how it made you feel. Close your eyes and feel the painful emotion for a few minutes. Then find a way the situation that caused it benefited you or shaped you into who you are today, feel gratitude for the people who hurt you, and forgive them.

BINAURAL BEATS

You can use specially designed music that uses the vibration of different frequencies to sink your brain into an alpha state. Binaural beats let you “tune” your brain to any type of brain wave.^[11] Check out this guide to binaural beats, complete with a playlist.

BLUE LIGHT BLOCKING GLASSES

Blue light (like the light from electronics and LEDs) is the junk food of the light world. It sabotages your sleep and stresses your brain, and you’ll feel a big difference in your day-to-day life if you replace it with better light. This is one of the reasons I made TrueDark glasses. They block 99% of blue light, which causes your alpha to increase immediately. You can see how blocking blue light increases alpha on the left side of the graph below:

It’s worth your time to train your brain to make more alpha brain waves. Use one or all of the above hacks every day; after a week or so, you’ll see a meaningful difference in how you think and feel.

By: DAVE ASPREY

These types of narcissists are the worst because they genuinely believe they will never be caught, never be found out, and can get away with anything.

Different types of narcissism exist, and there are varying levels of just how toxic they can be. Some types, like covert narcissists, will lie under the radar and avoid detection while manipulating puppet strings in the background. Other types, like Machiavellian narcissists, believe they are akin to a god-like power and whatever they do is faultless.

Then there are these types we’re discussing today. The ones who are likely to walk among us at our workplace, go to our gym, attend our schools, and even reside in our homes. They are the ones who seem to blend right into a crowd, never alarming anyone of their toxic presence, and seemingly friendly as can be.

How do you spot a narcissist who genuinely believes they will never be found out?

1- They have NO patience for other people’s issues and lack empathy

The defining feature of narcissism is an excessive interest in oneself, which means they generally care very little about other people’s experiences. “Narcissists tend to have a diminished sense of empathy, meaning that it is difficult for them to attend and relate to the thoughts, feelings, and suffering of others,” explains Sander van der Linden, PhD, a social psychologist at the University of Cambridge who has done extensive research on narcissistic personality.

2- They attract people to them like a moth to a flame

Narcissists make an incredible first impression, appearing to others to be confident, sexy, attractive, competent, warm, and funny. This means they’re often the most popular or most interesting person in the room as people feel drawn to their overwhelming charisma even without really knowing them, says research published in Frontiers in Psychology. However, the sparkly social veneer quickly wears thin as the more time you spend with them, the more the negative aspects of narcissism begin to take over.

3- They manipulate every situation and relationship

Manipulation and exploitation are the narcissist’s modus operandi in relationships, Dr. Van der Linden says. Friends, family, and lovers are only good for what they can provide to the narcissist.

4- They change friends like they change socks

They constantly denigrate and disparage others, yet they desperately need their admiration. This means they are constantly finding new friends who will praise and adore them, only to ditch them the second they start to get too real. “Seeking admiration is like a drug for narcissists,” explains Mitja Back, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Munster and author of a paper on narcissism. “In the long run, it becomes difficult because others won’t applaud them, so they always have to search for new acquaintances from whom they get the next fix.”

5- They will hate you and seek revenge if you criticize anything they do

“Although some narcissists are more introverted, many narcissists react defensively and even aggressively, to personal criticism or failures,” Dr. Van der Linden explains. When confronted with a weakness, even in a neutral way, they can react with sudden and surprising outbursts of yelling, crying, anger, or other aggressive behaviors.

6- They are incapable of accepting “no” as an answer

Because of their feeling of entitlement and lack of empathy, narcissists are more likely to push for what they want and refuse to accept a negative or alternate response. And this tendency can even cross over into the criminal.

7- They are extremely insecure about themselves and various aspects of their lives

Insecure narcissism may seem like an oxymoron but the two go together more than you’d think, says Zlatan Krizan, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Iowa State University. “These individuals still think they’re special, entitled, and they want to be great, but they just can’t do it,” he says. “As a result they’re vulnerable, their self-esteem fluctuates a lot, they tend to be self-conscious and not very proactive, but passive, shy, and introverted.”

8- They lie about their achievements

This is probably the easiest way to spot a narcissist who doesn’t want to be discovered as one. If they brag about how they were a volunteer firefighter and saved people’s lives, but have no understanding of basic smoke inhalation dangers, they were probably lying. Or, if they claim to have been a chef and worked in numerous 5-star restaurants but can only make lasagne and stir fry, and don’t know how to make salad dressing, they’re probably not a chef. These people will claim to be whatever they are interested in at the moment, or whoever they think will earn them respect. Reiki master, firefighter, chef- you name it, they are it or have been it at one point.

These are the easiest ways to spot a narcissist. Any you would add to the list?